6 sleeps to go

Posted on: February 23, 2011

6 sleeps to go

Initially was rather ouch this morning as I had a bit too much to drink last night.

Was my first full day without work in preparation for the op I guess it is no surprise that I had a major meltdown tonight,  poor Duncan had been at work all day,  came in and I just fell apart. I don’t want to have this ruddy surgery,  I don’t want any more drugs,  I don’t want any more pain,  I just want to be left alone.  The trouble is that If I come off the drugs (which I will have to as I have been on it too long) then the endo will return to what it was,  I will bleed for 23 days a month. I am so tired of this treadmill and I know logically that my options are limited and that a radical hysterectomy and bowel resection is my only hope of leading as much of an endo free life as I am ever gonna have.

I am also frightened that I am going to change as a person,  I finally like what I see when I look in the mirror and this is something that has evaded me for a long long time

What if I put on weight after the surgery?

What if I don’t enjoy sex anymore?

How will I cope without my natural hormones?

I feel like they are removing the core of what I am as a woman and I am scared of what I will feel like without it.

I know this is all part of the healing process and its stages I have to go through. To move forward you have to release yourself of past and present emotional barriers, and to do that being true to yourself and recognising them is the place to start the rest will come naturally and only then will you be able to seek true peace and happiness.

Ainsley and I have been talking alot about me writing a blog and the deal is if I do it then she has to aswell,  before I knew it she had bought a webname and the rest is history.  Its so great to meet someone who is so similar and it will be fantastic to host this site with her – she is simply amazing with her courage and bravery.


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Roses of Endometriosis

From the beginning right back to before my operation

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