Day nine

Posted on: March 10, 2011

Day nine

Am taking things really easy today has been a day of mainly sleeping,  don’t think I have ever needed so much sleep.  Have begun to feel more mobile and went for a longer walk.  I did discover today that its not so much knowing how far you can walk its knowing whether you have the energy to walk back again!.

One of the big problems I have when walking apart from feeling washed out is that it feels like my stomach is being pulled tighter and tighter .  Many Endo sufferers will identify with the pain you feel when your insides are throbbing so much you can’t stand straight – well this is a similar feeling.  Although I am in pain and its fairly constant it is not as bad as the worst endo pain I have ever experienced – with the exception of some of the moments I have endured in the little girls room in the last 8 days.

The pain I am getting now isn’t just localised to my stomach,  I have a pain just under my left hand side around my ribs,  it feels a bit like a stitch.  Also I am uncomfortable still around the area the epidural was administered.  Am finding that I gets pins and needles from this area.

You may remember from an earlier blog that I said I was going to test out the theory with staying in PJ’s as long as possible as other ladies had remarked that as soon as you stop wearing PJ’s and start wearing normal clothes that you will think you are well enough to do other things.  Well I have been mostly wearing yoga pants and a black top,  but I also have 2 cotton maxi dresses that I am alternating.  I did like the idea of staying in nightwear with my lovely dressing gown on,  but I have 2 problems with this,  firstly my nightees are above the knee this presents me with 2 issues,  one is the cold and secondly I now have hairy legs that I can’t shave.  Second problem is that I have been fortunate enough to have a steady stream of visitors and I have an issue with them all seeing me in my night gear. Therefore I ditched this theory and am sticking to a very simple wardrobe for the moment.

Am obviously having to wear clothes that are lose and forgiving because of the swelling around my belly area – I do think today that it is shrinking,  it certainly seems less swollen,  which is a good thing.  I caught myself in the mirror yesterday and was struck by how round my stomach looked – my initial thought was that I looked more pregnant than I have ever looked,  this was followed by a somersault moment in my tummy when I realised again that this dream will never be fulfilled.  It was only momentarily but still a very real feeling.

Spoke to a family member tonight in detail about the op and I now have a new nickname.  One which I will wear proudly – Dyson ….. because I am a bagless model.  Thank you – you know who you are!!!!! Am proud of this name as its like a title that celebrates my independence and is respectful what may have been.

Am on the eve of day 10, I should start taking my HRT tomorrow.  Still haven’t decided what I am going to do about this one – it just feels a huge decision and one I don’t feel informed enough to make just yet.

On a lighter note, my lovely mother-in-law obliged with my pants today,  I really must ask her to warm her hands tomorrow though as they were quite cold !


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Roses of Endometriosis

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