myendojourney

Day thirty four Mothers Day

Posted on: April 3, 2011


Day thirty four

Mothers Day

This was always gonna be a toughy.  Am pleased to say it wasn’t as difficult as past mothers days.  I remember the hardest one was a couple of weeks after a miscarriage and I just felt so alone all day.  Wondering whether I would ever be a Mum and wondering whether I would be strong enough to keep going.  Well I know I have one answer ,  I have kept going.  What was lovely about today was that we took MIL for lunch with Duncans brother, wife their two children and Father in Law. We had a lovely day.  Although after sitting on a chair for a couple of hours even with a cushion I was getting mighty uncomfortable.

Before we left I posted this on Facebook

‘Am blessed to be surrounded by some amazing inspirational women, many of whom are mothers and many are those who live with endometriosis and infertility – thinking of you all today.’

I felt that now I am ‘qualified’ to talk so public about infertility and after reading some beautiful messages to peoples Mums and about what others children had done for them as a treat I wanted to make reference to the fact that there are some awesome women who aren’t in the club.

Its an odd thing being so public with something so private,  but this has been always one of my gripes with endo and infertility.  No-one talks about it,  its like a wall of silence.  I get that its too hard for people and that they don’t understand but do you think we have chosen to be on this side of the fence?

Whilst I really enjoyed going out for the day, part of me was also dreading it.  I wanted to be happy but would I be able to be all day?  Thankfully we weren’t surrounded by new born babies which at the moment is my idea of a nightmare.

One thing I hadn’t considered before we went out was what I would do if I needed to go to the loo (not pee the other …. said in whispered tones).  I only actually considered this once I needed to go and we were out!.  You may remember that if I need to do a number 2 I have to have my feet raised off the ground and not strain…… I was in a terrible dilemma,  I hurt and I knew I couldn’t wait,  so I ended up needing to ask Duncan the unthinkable.  Could he come to the disabled toilet with me and hold my legs up…..  My first dilemma was how could I ask him subtlety, people who know me will acknowledge that this is not one of my strong points. So firstly I mouthed it to him – completely over his head …. what was I thinking Duncan doesn’t do lip reading ! Then I wrote a text message on my phone and gave it to him to read.  That got the message home.  So off we trundled to the toilet.

Typically it took a while to get things moving and poor Duncan was knelt on the floor of the disabled toilet for longer than he had hoped,  we did have a giggle.

The toilet was also the baby changing facilities,  and for at least 5 minutes the same lady was knocking on the door asking us how long we would be,  I answered at first and said I would be about 5 minutes (honestly performing under pressure is not easy) The second time she knocked Duncan answered the same …… she responded somewhat surprised when realising there were two of us in there and duly left….. only then did D and I realise that she probably thought we were ‘having it away’ in the toilet – if only she knew how far away from the truth that is.

Did experience a hot flush when we were out – just the one so it was manageable.  My poor sister in law remarked that she was surprised I was experiencing them considering the fact that I didn’t have any ovaries any more, surely I would skip past the menopause?, and that surely hot flushes were a state of mind…..!  My look said it all (was the kind your mother gave you when you knew you were in trouble!) I simply retorted ‘come back and tell me that in 10 years time’.  Bless her ….. its amazing I envy the fact that she didn’t know that removal of ovaries will mean menopause – how I wish I didn’t know at 34.  We had a good laugh about it afterwards.

Upon getting home it wasn’t long before I fell asleep –just too much excitement for me in one day.

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Roses of Endometriosis

From the beginning right back to before my operation

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