Day Thirty Nine

Posted on: April 8, 2011

Day thirty nine

Today has been a mixed bag,  MIL went home,  whilst it is lovely to know that this is another milestone her departure has been sad.  Partly because through odd circumstances I have got to know her as an incredible woman, and without this period of illness which has forced us to live in close proximity I may never have realised this.  We have always got on well (I think!) but we have really developed a friendship and I am truely happy this has happened.  How many people would coped with being this close for 5 weeks without a cross word – what a miracle!

I think her departure also means that I have to start facing up to how I feel,  whilst she has supported me physically and mentally (as well as Duncan) I have to start getting my head around the fact that I am where I am, I have had a hysterectomy, my cervix and tubes have been removed as well as all the other nasty stuff they did to my bladder and my bowel.  Its not just how I feel emotionally,  I still hurt physically and when I dress I just feel so frumpy and almost ashamed of how I look .

Linda picked me up after she left and we ‘fell’ in to Next on the way to Asda and her place.  Whilst in there I experienced something new for me,  there was a lady in Next with a tiny new born baby,  and for the first time ever I wanted to vomit at the sight of this beautiful baby.  This is probably a normal reaction but it really caught me off guard,  then in Asda when buying some fruit I had a wee melt down on Linda,  just choosing what fruit to buy feels like a task I don’t want to do.

Linda has been slimming at the same time as me and I am now the dress size she was so when we got back to her’s I had a fabulous time going through her summer wardrobe that was for ebay or charity and inherited a whole bundle of gorgeous new things.  I plan that as soon as I am able to return to slimming world and get back on to my health kick,  I want to keep going – part of the new me will be a new body too.  I read so much about hysterectomies and early menopause causing weight gain – not if I can help it!

I have said before about the swelling in my bellie but today trying on Linda’s clothes I found it incredibly traumatic and not the exciting event that I had thought it would be.   I got so upset at the sight of all these lovely clothes with my big bulbus bellie,  I guess that all the clothes I have been wearing have been loose,  but some of Linda’s were fitted – they will be great in a few months but for now some are just horrid.  Being the kind of wonderful friend she is,  she put to one side the items I liked that were too tight and she said that in a few weeks I can try them again and if they are any good I can have them then, how considerate of her.

I did get extremely knackered trying on so many items and had to stop halfway through for a cuppa tea and a cuddle with her son.

I did have a great blub at this point which considering I haven’t cried for over a week did me good,  poor Duncan turned up just at that moment and gave me the most amazing cuddle.

So all in all today has been a mixture of emotions at milestone reached

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Roses of Endometriosis

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