Day forty four

Posted on: April 13, 2011

Day forty four

I decided today that I needed to see my Dr and ask him about the things I have written about the last few days.

What an ordeal going to the Drs was. Luckily for me it was midwife morning, so the surgery was full of pregnant women,  and my Dr was running 30 minutes late.  Brilliant.  I didn’t know where to look,  and because I was trying not to look I ended up looking ……. Part of me is so jealous,  I wanted to be pregnant and feel a baby move inside me,  I wanted to scream at the top of my voice  ‘do you all know how lucky you are’ , there was this lovely couple in there, obviously so excited and going to their appointments together.  This made me think of Duncan who was waiting outside in the car.  I texted him that the waiting room was full of pregnant women, his reply was ‘a hug is waiting for you outside’.  How beautiful is he!.  Thank god I have him in my life.  Then the unthinkable happened,  this stunning lady who looked like she had a football up her maxi dress,  was looking for a seat,  in my head I was saying ‘don’t sit here, don’t sit here, don’t sit here’  and guess what …… yep you got it …. she sat right next to me, I am embarrassed to admit how envious of her I was as she sat there looking through her beautiful white ‘Bounty Folder’.  All I could think was that I would never experience this,  I would never have a white bounty folder.  I would never feel what she was feeling.  With that she looked at me and I really thought she was about to ask me how far gone was I.  Thankfully at this moment the Dr called me in to see him.  If she had asked I know I would have insulted her kindness by shouting  that I had just had a hysterectomy.  Honestly it was like a boiling pan on the stove just moments from spilling over.  My poor Dr didn’t know what hit him when I walked in to his office and cried, sobbing about what had just happened.

He was absolutely lovely about it all and reiterated that 6 weeks is not a long time and that I need to give myself some more time. We talked about how I was in myself and he gave me some tissues!  He examined the pain in my ribs,  which made me wince and explained that it is likely this came from the surgery – possibly being lent on or just bruising.  I was asked to give him a urine sample , which was clear of a UTI, so it looks likely that it is purely the impact of the surgery.

I left the surgery quickly – not looking around at anyone else just in case I said anything I shouldn’t.  The hug that was waiting for me was just the best.

Tonight I went out for dinner with work colleagues as my line manager has been made redundant.  I was so nervous about going and being asked something that I didn’t want to talk about.  But on reflection it was good for me to go and get this over and done with.  They were all very kind and the food was just fabulous.


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Roses of Endometriosis

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