Day forty five

Posted on: April 14, 2011

Day forty five

Didn’t sleep well again last night,  everytime I turn over I get a sharp pain from my ribs and am just not enjoying sleeping.  Getting hot and cold so much is definitely not helping.

Also have noticed that I have spots on my arms (similar to those I experienced before) but the seem to come up prior to a hot flush and fade afterwards so they must be hormonal.  Thank god it is heading in to the warmer weather at the moment.

Tonight I decided to return to the slimming world class that I have attended.  My lovely neighbour had offered to go back with me in a few weeks but I decided this afternoon on a whim that I would go back tonight (she is away this week).  One of the group came to collect me and with a deep breath I walked in to the room. I don’t know why I have found it so traumatic re introducing myself to these social situations but it has been so hard.

The lady who took me to the class is just a wonderful person whom I am lucky to consider a friend.  People ask me how I am and I am never sure what depth there is to that question but when H asked me tonight how I was I knew she meant ‘how was I coping.  You see H is unable to have children either.  This means we are both in the same club.  Our bodies don’t work and sadly this part of our body has forgotten to communicate this malfunction to our brains, so the broodiness is still very much alive and kicking.

I was able to talk to her about what had happened yesterday in the surgery, about the urine test I had at the hospital, the countless pregnancy tests I have done in the past when I knew I wouldn’t be pregnant and the longing for it to be different.  She understood in such a way I felt so free and able to talk , I knew I wouldn’t be judged or laughed at. We both had a cry and a laugh before the group. I am sure this experience has helped me considerably. I asked H if it ever got any easier and she told me that it didn’t get easier but that I would learn to live with it.

The ladies were all so wonderful,  at my last class before the op I told those present what I was about to experience and why.  I was so touched to discover that many of the ladies had since read my story and been following my blog.  Was so overwhelmed to have had their support.

One of the ladies had major surgery last year and we talked about this at an earlier group.  So tonight she asked me how big my scar was – being a trooper I showed her it proudly.  Then another lady spoke to me, I hadn’t met her before, it transpired that she was a new member, she also showed me her scar too – was like ‘scar swop shop’.

What an incredible woman she was, due to endometrial cancer she had experienced a hysterectomy last summer, followed by chemotherapy and then another operation to remove her cervix (6 weeks prior to my op).  She was just an amazing woman; her scars put mine to shame. We spoke at length about how my stamina had been affected and she shared similar experiences (although her stamina has also been greatly affected by chemotherapy). She had been accompanied to the group by her daughter and 5 week old grandson.  She asked me if I had children and I explained what had happened and that we had experienced multiple miscarriages and both her and her daughter were very understanding without having to verbalise it.

This experience was humbling and enriching.

I am determined to get through this time and am determined to come up fighting.


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Roses of Endometriosis

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