Day fifty seven

Posted on: April 26, 2011

Day fifty seven

Had a really bad night last night, was so damned hot, and couldn’t get comfortable, the stitch in my side really troubled me everytime I moved.  The dreams I had were just so weird and unsettling.

Duncan went back to work today and it was the first day for me on my own.  I have been asked to write an article on coping with infertility.  I had written one over the weekend but my approach to the article had not sat well with me so this morning I re wrote it.  Took me 4 hours and its a bit longer than they asked for but it is so hard to condense it.

I read back what I had written (I will post it on here) and was really affected.  You would have thought writing it would have upset me,  but I think I am so used to dealing with it that in some ways I have become numb.  But reading it was like it was about someone else and I was so overcome with emotion.

I accept where I am , in many ways I accept it with open arms as there is no way I ever want to experience a miscarriage or the longing to be pregnant. But there is a huge part of you that never thinks it will be you and when it is you ,  you search for the reasons behind it.

I believe I have found my reasons but every so often I self doubt and wonder whether I could have done things differently.

Re reading my story made me realise that I don’t regret choosing to have a hysterectomy and reminded me how much I hated having periods and the constant reminder that I didn’t work and wasn’t pregnant.

I got  a book before my op called 101 Hints for a healthy hysterectomy and one of the hints is to have an angel tampon party…… yes you heard right, a party where you turn you unused tampons in to angels.  For me this is rather far fetched but I do want to do something to celebrate moving past this chapter of my life.



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Roses of Endometriosis

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