Week eighteen -health update

Posted on: July 18, 2011

Week eighteen – health update

Can’t believe its been over a week since I wrote my last post,  apologies for my absence.

In the last 10 days I feel like there has been real progress made, emotionally I mean.  Strength is fighting its way out of me,  along with a peaceful acceptance that the pathway I am on is where I am meant to be.  Of course the immense sadness is there ,  its caught me unawares a few times,  but what is different is that I allow it to come out – the urge to hide it from the world is less prominent.  Writing silent infertility really helped me to understand that the badge of honour ‘I am infertile’ should be worn with pride,  I am so lucky to have this badge of honour.  If people don’t believe me then I can always flash them my scar ….. OMG imagine their face!

If you had a cut and you knew it would hurt pouring salt in to it – you wouldn’t do it would you?  This is my new philosophy, if I know something is going to hurt then precautions need to be taken, am not saying that I am never going to sit next to a pregnant woman again – but currently I don’t want to so therefore I am not going to.  If anyone has an issue with it then this is their issue , not mine.

I have spoken before about not being part of the parent club –  I discovered last week completely by chance that some ladies who have had a hysterectomy consider themselves to be part of a special club.  So by default I am part of this club,  I guess its not a club that people chose to be part of….. can’t see people queing up to join can you?

You will know me well enough by now to understand that I am a glass full person not half full,  but I do have something quite serious to tell you.  Endometriosis has been part of my life for as long as I remember – even though I didn’t know what it was called.  There has been suspicions that the endo was rearing its ugly head.  Sadly this has been confirmed.  10 days ago I started bleeding from my bowel,  any blood from this part of your body is not good.  I had celebrated the absence of this bodily function,  but for 5 days it returned.  On Friday I visited my GP to discuss what he thought. He confirmed that it is most likely that the endometriosis is either regrowing or its causing the difficulties with my bowel, constipation, shooting red hot poker pain and bleeding. For the next couple of months we’ll be monitoring the situation before we decide on what is the next course of action. My GP was lovely he discussed that due to the severity of the endometriosis it was only ever going to be a subtotal removal,  what confuses me is that there is no consensus of opinion about what makes it re grow …. I have no ovaries and am therefore not producing the hormones that should ‘feed’  the endo,  so my endo must be feeding itself from something else …. but what!?!?  Am not taking the HRT so it can’t be that.

My GP also gave me a Fit note …. I know ….. I am officially FIT,  thats such a laugh  – me fit ………..

In all seriousness this means that I will be returning to work in a few weeks,  I have some annual leave that I need to take first.  Am booked to see the Occupational Health specialist and will then be looking at a phased return to work.

If I reflect on the last eighteen weeks I almost don’t recognise myself,  I feel this journey has changed me beyond all recognition,  what this means for me as I get more and more in to normal life I don’t know, I guess only time will tell.

Endosister liz



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Roses of Endometriosis

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