myendojourney

Week eighteen – shocking

Posted on: July 20, 2011


Week eighteen -shocking

 

Morning ,  This is a quick post today,  but am so steamed that I didn’t want to not write today about my latest consumer experience

As you know I have recently seen my GP,  he gave me the fit note I was so chuffed about (infact I must get it framed).  During our discussion we agreed together that maybe some CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) could help me to move on a little more with my reality of childlessness.  Having had counselling on and off for about 4 years this has now run its course.

So yesterday I received a phone call from the triage service as a result of the referral my GP has made. 

The phone call was conducted terribly.  I wasn’t expecting the call, it was completely out of the blue and as a result I found it incredibly hard to place myself mentally as the woman who has been struggling to cope.  Not that this woman wasn’t present but I have to lock her away otherwise normal life is difficult to complete.  As it happens I was doing some of my uni essay and was completely focused on Marxism at the time (nice!).

She introduced herself and said that the letter from the GP had detailed that I had recently undergone major surgery, had endometriosis, was childless and that my family has a history of depression.  I was asked to describe how I was feeling and how it made my life difficult,  so I described some of my experiences and also talked about the fact that one of my issues is that I know my reality isnt going to change – I cannot have children,  no amount of couselling is going to change this which is why I was in favour of a referral for CBT.  To which the silly lady said ‘so do you definatley know you can’t have children?’  my curt response was simply ‘ I am recovering from a hysterectomy,  that was my major surgery’ …. you can imagine the deafly silence that followed.

Anyhow I have to complete a psyciatric assessment at some point which I agreed to and then the lady said she would call me back once she had discussed my unique case with a colleague.  I do not see how my case can be unique! 

The phone call I received back 10 minutes later is shocking.  In true Liz style I took it on the chin and joked with the lady on the phone,  but now on reflection I am insulted.  I have been asked to contact an organisation called …… wait for it …….. PREGNANCY CHOICES in Norwich.  Looking on the website they seem like a fabulous organisation – one that is worthy, they deal with abortions, terminations contraception, people who have had miscarriages.  But nothing on the website refers to living with childlessness.  Also I would have to go to Norwich and visit their clinic. 

I have  a problem being with pregnant women full stop – how the hell can I even contemplate walking in to a building full of them or when I know that ladies are there discussing ridding their body of the one thing that I so desperatley want.

The phonecalls have upset me, what concerns me is that they have no idea what mental state I am in prior to the call – this could have been enough to send me over the edge!

Insensed is not the word,  I am grateful that I have been able to speak to some close girlfriends and they reassured me that it was okay for me to be angry about this.

So today I am waiting for my GP to call me back – when I will tell him exactly what I think

Hope you are okay today
Endo sister Liz

xxx

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Roses of Endometriosis

From the beginning right back to before my operation

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