Week twenty six – Anniversary

Posted on: September 3, 2011

Week twenty six – Anniversary
Morning all,  this week has been a week of landmarks.  I will write a post on one of them later but  my 10th wedding anniversary is something quite special.
September 1st was our 10th Wedding Anniversary,  as well as the 6th month mark since my TAH BSO and Bladder and bowel resection. Duncan is my world,  he has been my rock and my everything throughout our fertility journey. We married full of hopes and dreams, Duncan was always obsessed with my belly, holding me at night touching it affectionately. Looking back it was so innocent and so wonderfully magical.

We discussed over the early days of our marriage when would be the right time to try to conceive.  His brother and his wife having their first child 8 months after our wedding day. Over the years we have attended countless weddings, had too many to mention phone calls announcing their expectant status. 

We begun our fertility quest and longing to have a family wide eyed full of optimism.  Somewhere along the journey way we lost each other for a while amidst the anguish and pain of miscarriages and endless fertility tests and hospital appointments.   Thankfully we found each other again and since that time worked hard to be strong for each other.  Taking time out, being gentle and nurturing our love for one another.

Duncan said this week that he feels like he has lost 5 years of his life,  which he attributes to my illness.  Speaking briefly of the fear he felt in the months leading up to my surgery and how agonising it was for him watching the affects Zoladex had on me after each injection.  Helpless and powerless were words he used.

Endometriosis is a condition that women are diagnosed with,  very few of us appreciate the affects this has on our partners.  They are the special ones, the ones who are able to stay with us and remain strong,  holding us, wiping the tears away, deciphering medical lingo and loving us unconditionally even when we feel we are not worthy.

Prior to the surgery I described it as me making the ultimate sacrifice having a hysterectomy.  Duncan I believe has made his ultimate sacrifice by choosing me, by staying by my side he is walking away from the possibility of becoming a biological father. The times I have told him to go, hurt him by insulting him in desperation for him to walk away and truly make me suffer for my guilt; for my inability to give him the child that he so desperately wants. He assures me that he didnt marry me for our children,  he married me because he loved me and still does. How utterly beautiful.

One thing that I am sure of is that our relationship is stronger than I thought possible, maybe if we had become parents we would not be as close – I don’t know.

Duncan  I love you more today than you can imagine, you are my reason for being & my everything. Thank you for being my rock through the hardest months of my life. Forever and Always xxxxx


Endosister Liz

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Roses of Endometriosis

From the beginning right back to before my operation

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