myendojourney

lil’ Eric

Posted on: January 8, 2012


Lil’ Eric

Christmas was in so many ways magical. Eric is just the most adorable, beautiful young child. He’s 11  1/2 months old and just delightful.  We both loved spending time with the three of them in a way that is not possible now we live miles and miles from each other.

Neither D nor I can deny it was difficult being around a young child.  In many ways it amplified our already emotional state.  My brother and his wife Gemma are incredibly sensitive to our situation and were considerate asking us how we were and just genuinely interested in how we feel.

D and I both experienced emotions triggered by different scenarios.  For Duncan it tore him apart seeing me with Eric, playing with him and generally spending time in his company. D is a man of few words but he said that he watched me play with Eric and it made him think how sad it was that I had been robbed of this experience. It has made him angry, beautifully it made him angry on my behalf.  He is my savior and my world – in a way that no other could possibly support me.  Duncan has vocalised our joint pain and allowed me to see how much we are in this together.  Because I am the only one who can listen to the sound of my own voice I often get so bored and ‘trapped’ by the presence of groundhog day.  Duncan has reached out to me and held my hand by telling me that I would have been such a good Mum.  Saying that I was natural and strangely complete around my beautiful nephew.

I actually feel that Christmas did Duncan and I good – the run up to the holiday was like watching a car crash in slow motion, Christmas is a difficult time for us with childlessness.  In the run up pregnancy announcements were almost as frequent as opening the advent calender.  I am jealous and envious that so many around us are experiencing what we want so desperately.  Each Christmas card that expresses ‘may all your wishes for 2012 come true’ add insult to injury because its not going to happen.  I can’t get pregnant – I won’t be experiencing my babies first christmas , first tooth, first curl, first cry……….

My brother and his wife have given us a gift that will last a lifetime – Christmas was beautiful because of spending time with them and their little miracle. I may have been robbed of being a Mum but I promise all of my nieces, nephews & godchildren that I will be the best Auntie they could have – I will always be there for them and do my best to never let them down.

Endosister Liz

xxxx

 

 

 

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Roses of Endometriosis

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