myendojourney

What do I put in my dolls house

Posted on: February 13, 2012


January was a much easier month – tears were less;  my emotions seemed more in check.

What surprises me is that no matter what I am doing reminders are plenty, tears are never far away.

Last Saturday Duncan and I went out for a couple of hours and ended up at a Garden Centre complex.  Whilst we were mooching around we discovered a Dolls House shop.  Something I have always wanted is a Dolls House,  one that I could build and add to as time passes.  Something that would be a hobby and an interest that I could loose myself in.

Aren’t dolls house shops always so small themselves?  It was a beautiful shop with things so cute.

Duncan and I looked at the different types and styles; chatted merrily about the decor.  They even had my dream Dolls House on show.  The type with the door in the middle, a symmetrical front. Anyhow then out of the blue like a bolt of lightening we both stopped in our tracks.  On the shelf so innocently placed were figurines that could be purchased to go in your Dolls House ; each pack included the typical nuclear family.  A Dad, Mum, a little boy and a little girl. The package that we as children dream about. How lucky are those to get the ultimate dream.

I no longer want a Dolls House; what do I put in mine?  The breakfast table with only 2 places, the bedroom that is made out as a study when it should be a childs room?

This probably seems really silly on my part and maybe I should be able to put whatever I want in my Dolls House when I eventually get one.  But it was like some one had stabbed me in the back.  Suddenly in the middle of this shop there I was a blubbering wreck, my eyes transfixed on this seemingly innocent packet.  My Dolls House dream was shattered – albeit a materialistic dream.  It symbolised the inner child within me that wishes to be a Mum, to dream and play innocently.  How could I design a family home in the form of a Dolls House if in reality this possibility has gone.

How would other people react to seeing my perfect Dolls House with the nuclear family, when they know that my reality is so different.

Duncan being the beautiful boy that he is then found a Trolls House which was on display, it was like something a Hobbit would live in (Duncan would love to live as a hobbit, 2 breakfasts and not a care in the world).  Sadly I was too distressed to enjoy its quirkiness.  Duncan remarked that this would be a fabulous alternative to a boring type of Dolls House that everyone has!

Am really so lucky to have Duncan by my side he knows how I feel – he can see it bubbling inside of me.

What does a Dolls House matter, my life with Duncan is far more than I could ever have dreamed of. I love him for knowing me and for supporting me.  I love him for sharing my life and for making the sacrifice to be with me.  I love him for being my Troll.

Regards

Endosister Liz

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Roses of Endometriosis

From the beginning right back to before my operation

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