Whats next

Posted on: February 26, 2013

My last post was about ‘Finding me’

I wrote how I now understood that Infertility is a life sentence but it doesnt have to be a stick that I continue to beat myself with’.  Since writing this in October,  I have been very much a new woman with a new attitude. The combination of CBT and time elapsed through my recovery had seen me move from someone who was lost not quite knowing what life was or should be, my fear of myself was around acceptance.  How could I be a woman with all of my woman parts missing? How could I be a good daughter when I failed to produce a longed for grandchild?  How could I be a wife, lover, friend and partner when I was robbing my husband of the chance to be a father?  Of course the answer is our sole purpose is not just around reproduction, its about being the best person you can be and always being their for others.
Alongside this inner battle the cyclical million dollar question has surfaced time and time again.  Should we look in to other options around becoming parents again?

From speaking to others who have been through similar journeys to ours this question is never really put to bed.  Its always hanging around.

At times it feels like we are self harming, cutting our arms with razor blades and pouring them with salt.  Many of our friends and family have beautiful children, we have some announcements pending,  new babies in the family, toddlers and children.  My twin brother and his beautiful wife had their second child last July, a beautiful girl. We can’t escape this – we can’t change it, I will never have a child with my DNA whatever we do.  This has never bothered me until recently, a small remark noting that my nephew had similar facial features to me.  This planted a seed in my mind and now I find myself having to stop daydreaming – what would a child look like with my DNA.

Of course the upside is I have saved a child from my ducks ass hair line…….my double chin…….. the eyebrows that aren’t quite right and don’t get me started on the shape of my backside………

Duncan and I agreed about the time of our hysterectomy that we would give ourselves time to adjust, be together and get our life back to some semblance of normal before we decided what our next steps would be.

I am writing this in a past tense because as I am sure you understand it would not have been fair to have written about this before now,  whilst I have chosen to make much of my endometriosis story public,  our fertility story belongs to Duncan and I, there are things I am unable to share on here at this time,  but they are no less important and I will bare all in time.

Rather than talk about our decision – too much time is focused on whether we will or we won’t become parents ……. I want to write about why this is not our decision, what hoops you have to go through if you can’t conceive naturally, what costs you need to consider – emotionally and financially.

My next post will cover the options open to women / couples in our position – then I hope you will see what I mean

Hope you are all well

Kind regards
Endosister Liz



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Roses of Endometriosis

From the beginning right back to before my operation

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